In My Absence, MIL Threw Out My Belongings in the Garbage area, MIL: You Have No Place in this House
The Entitled Mother-in-Law and the Engagement
Hello everyone, my name is Jamie and today I want to share with you a rather intriguing story about my mother-in-law, Sarah. Currently, Sarah doesn’t have much say in our lives because we’ve chosen to sever ties with her. Reaching this point of no contact wasn’t easy at all. Sarah is the epitome of narcissism.
I’m not an expert in psychology but she exhibits every classic sign of a narcissistic personality. Describing her in the harshest of terms, Sarah is self-centered and utterly vile, only ever concerned with her own needs.
Interestingly, her son, my husband Paul, is the polar opposite. I believe this is largely due to him being raised mostly by his father after his parents divorced early in his childhood. Sadly, he only reunited with Sarah following his father’s death from a terminal illness.
From the stories Paul has shared, it’s clear that Sarah is overly controlling and manipulative.
Paul once confided in me: Jamie, my mom demands so much from me. She feels entitled to everything I own and expects me to care for her indefinitely.
He told me about how she used to take his entire salary when he started working during his school years. For the longest time, Paul believed this level of parental control was normal, but that’s not healthy.
I told him: You were essentially enslaved, working while she did nothing but lounge around in her apartment. You must make some serious financial changes.
I know, Jamie, he replied. I’ve tried talking to her but she always guilt trips me about abandoning her or leaving her to fend for herself. I even suggested she get a job but she refuses to listen.
Paul struggled to manage his student loans since he was financially supporting Sarah throughout college. She stopped working when Paul was 17, the same year he got his first job. From that moment he was designated as the family’s primary breadwinner.
Isolated from their extended family and under Sarah’s stringent control, he had always considered this dynamic to be normal. He didn’t have friends because Sarah didn’t allow it and he couldn’t afford a phone.
When Paul went to college, he was introduced to a whole new world. Despite Sarah’s attempts to prevent him from attending, he pursued higher education. It was there, away from his mother’s overwhelming influence and meeting a variety of people, that he finally realized the abnormality of his upbringing.
Paul had always financially supported Sarah, his mother, despite her manipulative ways.
Three years into our relationship, I felt compelled to address the situation. Paul, your mother has been quite abusive towards you. She’s manipulated you for years and even squandered the inheritance your father left. Why do you continue to support her?
What can I do, Jamie, she’s still my mom, Paul replied. His voice tinged with resignation, “after hearing for years that she deserves my money, it’s hard to shake off.” I can’t completely cut her off, she’s the only family I have left apart from you.
I understand that, I said gently. But you need to reconsider your situation. You’re drowning in debt. How much longer can you manage this?
Paul didn’t have an answer. He realized that continuing to support Sarah meant he could never escape his financial burdens. This situation also made me question our future together.
I was aware that Sarah could become a significant issue, potentially claiming a stake in everything we owned. She already disliked me, resentful of the bond Paul and I shared.
Sarah would snap at me: Don’t think you can take my son and his money. I’m his mother and the only one who deserves his things. You’re just a gold digger trying to steal my son.
You need to stop relying on Paul, I retorted. He’s an adult and so are you. You’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself.
Shut up girl, don’t tell me how to live my life. I won’t lose my lifestyle for a worthless girl like you. Paul will always be under my control and I’ll make sure of it, she replied sharply.
Sarah’s harsh words were alarming, but I was determined to stand up for Paul. Unlike him, I had a strong backbone and a flare for subtle revenge, which allowed me to handle Sarah without letting her harm us too deeply.
Although I often endured her insults, I found them bearable as time passed. As the years passed, both Paul and I finished college. I began working in a studio and Paul landed an excellent job as a graphic designer.
Nevertheless, Sarah continued to exploit his finances relentlessly.
When Paul and I got engaged, Sarah was furious. She accused him of marrying a gold digger and worried aloud about her welfare. How can you even think of getting married now, you still need to take care of me? Getting married would be a bad financial decision, she argued.
Mom, I’m already taking care of you and getting married won’t change that, Paul reassured her.
But Sarah wasn’t convinced: But your wife will take all your money. You’ll have nothing left for me. She doesn’t earn much and her mother is no help either. They’ll both just become a burden to you.
Excuse me, but my mom and I are perfectly capable of managing on our own. We don’t need to rely on your son, I interjected calmly.
Although internally I seethed at her accusation, I avoided telling her that she was the actual financial burden. I knew it would only ignite a pointless argument and I preferred to keep the peace.
Sarah interpreted my silence as an opportunity to further insult me and my family. My family, valuing respectability, chose not to retaliate against her barbs, preferring not to stoop to arguing with a narcissist.
Despite Sarah’s attempts to disrupt our wedding plans, Paul handled the situation well. Although it frustrated him, he still couldn’t bring himself to completely sever ties with his mother.
After our wedding, we settled into our new home. The details of how we acquired the house aren’t pertinent right now, but Sarah was livid when she found out.
