What subtle comment completely shattered your self-worth?

Foundational Love and Early Betrayal

My older brother is the love of my life. Okay, I guess that’s a pretty weird way of saying it, but he really is my hero.

My brother’s roommate secretly took photos of me to frame my brother for abuse. So, we kicked him out and got him charged with harassment. Two years later, he’s begging me to save him from his own parents.

One of my first memories is being 6 years old and walking out of the grocery store together. My bike had vanished and the broken chain was left behind. I immediately broke into tears, blaming myself.

But the next morning, I woke up to a new bike in my bedroom because my brother, who was just 13 at the time, had sold his favorite signed baseball glove to pay for it. And when I thanked him profusely, he just hugged me and said, “This is what brothers are for.” His love was always unconditional.

So, we were both in the car one day when a truck driver was driving dangerously close to us on the highway. I was listening to white girl music and pretending to be in a music video.

So, when my brother was shouting at me to put my seatbelt on, I didn’t listen. And my mom just laughed and told him to stop being so overprotective. But my brother didn’t care.

He reached across to secure me right as the impact happened. And just 11 days later, we were standing at our mom’s grave in black clothes that still had the tags on.

I was 14 and my brother was 21. We didn’t even have time to grieve because they tried to shove me into a foster home and lock away the key.

But Caleb did everything to make sure it didn’t happen. He spent his entire savings on fighting for custody.

And there was a long list of things he had to do before they even considered letting him be my legal parent. These included: rent a huge apartment, take parenting classes for eight months every weekend, and even broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years to make sure it didn’t interfere with the case.

After 2 years and $12,000 down the drain, he finally won. The three weeks that followed were probably some of the best I’d ever experienced.

For the first time, everything just felt peaceful. He was the only person I felt safe enough to let my guard down with. And for the first time since the crash, I actually let myself grieve.

No dark humor, no fake smiles, just me crying into his arms. And that’s when his roommate Craig moved in because he simply couldn’t afford to pay rent by himself.

At first, he seemed nice and my older brother Caleb seemed to trust him, so I did, too. He didn’t work much since his parents paid for everything, so I came home to him every day after school.

And in the second week, while I did my usual routine of crying my eyes out and looking at old photos of my mom, Craig came into my bedroom.

“You know, Caleb’s too nice to ever say this, but you’re seriously draining him. Maybe keep it to yourself sometimes.”

His tone was completely flat, like he was sick of me. When he walked out, I was immediately filled with self-hatred.

From then on, I made sure to only cry at school in the bathrooms. Whenever I was home, I’d gaslight myself into thinking I was over the death and ready to move on with my life.

And since I wasn’t crying when I needed to, I took on a new coping mechanism, starvation. I must have been eating around 400 calories a day with a diet of ice cubes and chewing gum.

One day, I was heading down the stairs to school. My calves were aching from how little I was eating, and I was so weak that my school bag felt like it was filled with bricks.

“Hey,” Craig yelled. “I’ve noticed how far you’ve come with the whole moving on thing. Just wanted to give you kudos.”

I was so hungry that I couldn’t even focus on what he was saying, so I just nodded before getting on the school bus. I was wearing a t-shirt and short shorts when Caleb burst into my room that evening.

His jaw dropped. “What the actual f”

“I’m sorry?” I screamed. I thought you wouldn’t be home. I then grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around myself.

“Olivia, when was the last time you ate a full plate of food?” Tears filled his eyes and his hands were trembling.

Suddenly, a wave of guilt washed over me. “I’m sorry, Caleb. You weren’t meant to see.”

He cut me off by lunging at me for a hug. “Olivia, you love food. I don’t understand why you would do this.”

By this point, I was still convinced that Caleb was mad at me, so I just wanted him to stop blaming me. “Craig told me to.”

He didn’t say anything. His grip on me loosened, and he had this far away look in his eye.

It was 4:00 a.m. when Craig came home that evening, and I guess Caleb assumed I was asleep. As soon as the front door slammed, my brother was walking down the stairs to greet him.

I heard him crash into something as he stumbled backwards from Caleb’s impact. “You’re moving out tomorrow.”

“Idgaff, where you end up, but if I see you go anywhere near my sister, you’re effing dead.” His voice had an anger I didn’t recognize.

And I guess Craig was pretty scared too because he didn’t respond. When Caleb came up the stairs, he opened my door and grabbed me gently to see if I was awake.

I turned over to face him. “I’m sorry. I know rent is more expensive now.”

“Don’t be.” His voice was soft and reassuring like always. “Craig can eat shut. You will always come first.”