My husband demanded we be brutally honest with each other. Challenge accepted.
The Demand for Brutal Honesty
My husband demanded we be brutally honest with each other. Challenge accepted.
My husband Giorgio discovered a podcast about radical honesty in relationships and decided he was going to make it his entire personality. He announced during dinner.
“We need to start being completely honest with each other about everything because that’s what mature couples do,” he said. I told him we were already honest with each other about the important things and that others things were better left unsaid.
In reality, I know our marriage only worked at all because I knew how to bite my tongue. But he said, “That’s exactly the kind of toxic positivity that destroys marriages because you’re prioritizing comfort over authentic connection”.
I tried to explain that he was actually pretty sensitive and might not like complete honesty as much as he thought he would. He got offended and said I was infantilizing him by suggesting he couldn’t handle the truth about anything.
Then accused me of already hiding things from him, which proved we needed this policy. For 3 days, he kept bringing it up every time we talked.
He said I must not trust him enough to be vulnerable or that I was emotionally immature for wanting to maintain boundaries in our marriage. He bought five books about radical honesty and left them around the house with specific pages bookmarked.
He then played podcast episodes at full volume while following me from room to room. “Fine, you want brutal honesty? We’ll do brutal honesty,” I finally said when he woke me up at midnight.
He woke me up to discuss why my resistance to transparency was a red flag. He literally clapped his hands like a child and said this would revolutionize our marriage and bring us closer than ever.
The next morning, he asked why I’d been quiet at his parents anniversary dinner last weekend. So I figured now was a good as time as any to start.
“Because your mother spent the entire night comparing me to your ex-girlfriend who’s now a surgeon because she doesn’t know that you helped her cheat her way through medical school,” I said while buttering my toast. George’s face went slack and he said that was unnecessarily harsh, but I reminded him this was his idea.
“Also, your dad kept touching our waitress inappropriately, and everyone pretended not to notice because that’s what your family does with uncomfortable truths”. He started to argue, but I kept going with the honesty he’d demanded.
“Your brother told me at Christmas that your parents only pretend to support your business ideas because they’re terrified you’ll have another breakdown, like when you dropped out of law school”. His co-orker Miles came over to watch the game that afternoon.
Giorgio made the mistake of bragging about our new honesty policy and how evolved our relationship had become. “Since we’re being honest, Miles, you should know that Giorgio only invites you over because everyone else finds him exhausting and you’re too polite to say no,” I said while bringing them snacks.
“He actually thinks you’re boring, but you always bring good beer and never stay too late, which makes you the perfect guest who requires minimal effort”. Miles looked between us uncomfortably while Giorgio tried to laugh it off as a joke.
I reminded him that jokes weren’t part of radical honesty. Oh, and that promotion he’s been bragging about is actually just a lateral move with a fancier title because his boss wants him to quit but doesn’t want to fire him.
Miles suddenly remembered he had somewhere to be and left while Giorgio followed him to the door trying to explain.
