Men, what can you admit is harder for women?

Escalation and the First Assault

Before I moved in with my girlfriend, I wanted things to go perfectly. So, I talked to my 9-year-old son about manners and making sure that he kept his older stepsister, Francine, 13, safe. It seemed like he understood because sometimes I would catch him watching Disney movies where the prince protects the princess and he’d exclaim, “That’s what I’m going to do, daddy.”.

They each got their own bedrooms and Francine seemed welcoming. My son finally had someone to play Lego with and she taught him how to do origami.

So one day I was minding my own business when my girlfriend tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “Francine just got her period.”. I tensed up a little, mainly just feeling really awkward. And I guess my girlfriend noticed because she laughed.

Don’t worry, I’ve already had the talk with her. All you have to do is be extra nice. I breathed a sigh of relief, which made my girlfriend laugh even harder. That same day, me and my son Derek went out to buy flowers and Hershey’s milk chocolate, her favorite.

When we got back, I told Dererick to give them to her, and he ran in all excited. Daddy says you have the woman’s pain. I hope this makes you feel better. His childish innocence made me chuckle, and I expected her to give him a hug or even just say thanks.

Instead, she screamed at the top of her lungs, “Get the f out. I’m on my period. I just want to be alone.”. Dererick then ran out and closed the door with terror in his eyes. Well, I myself have obviously never had a menstrual cycle before, so I thought that maybe this is just how girls act as they get used to the whole thing.

I told this to Derek and he didn’t really understand. But then again, does any guy understand girls?. Lol. I figured the most important thing was that he respected her wishes during this time and he did. So, we both left Francine alone for the rest of the day.

And when dinner came, I told her she could eat alone in her room if she wanted, but she insisted on eating with us at the table. We were all sitting around the roast chicken when my girlfriend came home. And as soon as she sat down, our house went from a loving home to Germany in the 1940s.

Because as soon as Francine took the first bite, she cried out, “This tastes effing disgusting. I don’t want your food anymore.”. She then threw her plate right towards Derek. Luckily, he ducked and it hit the wall, but it was just inches away from hitting his skull.

I stood up in shock. I expected my girlfriend to discipline her in some way. But right before anyone could say anything, she announced, “I’m on my period. Why can’t you guys understand that?”. She then stormed off into her room. I felt Dererick’s little hands grip by arm as he tried to move his tiny self towards me in fear.

“It’s her first day,” my girlfriend announced immediately, trying to rationalize her behavior. “It’s a woman thing. I don’t expect you to understand, but please just try to have some empathy. It’s only a few days.”. I buried my face in my hands, but that’s when Derek spoke. “Yeah, daddy, it’s not her fault.”. I looked into his big brown eyes and decided to listen to him.

The next afternoon, while Francine was at school, me and Derek spent almost 4 hours transforming the bathroom into a makeshift spa for Francine. We filled it with candles, bath bombs, face masks, brands my girlfriend recommended, and soothing music.

We had her favorite movie playing on the TV with a basket containing a new Lego set, and I organized for me and Derek to stay with my mom that night so that she could have girl time. I left before she came home, so I didn’t get to see her reaction. And when me and Derek got home the next day, she didn’t even mention it to either of us. But that didn’t matter because I just wanted us to come closer as a family.

“Can you paint my room pink?” was the first thing she asked. I told her no because I was super busy and had to work to make up for the hours I missed planning her spa day. She started screaming in my face so close she was practically spitting.

“But I’m on my period and this will help me feel better. Don’t you want me to feel better?”. I was about to respond when my girlfriend re-entered the room. Honey, what did I say about empathizing with Francine during this time?. I tried to explain what was going on, but for some reason, she didn’t want to hear it.

But this time, I wasn’t budging because I really was just too busy to give in to her demands. So, I simply went upstairs to go to sleep without saying a word. The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Francine screaming again. Except this time, it wasn’t at me. It was at Derek.

He was crying and begging for me to come into my room. As soon as I saw them, my heart dropped. She was banging her elbow into his leg over and over, telling him he had to paint her room because she was on her period. I lifted her up and carried her out the room before locking the door.

And as I held Derek, who cried in my arms covered in injuries, I knew that had to be my final straw. I sat there holding Derek for what felt like hours. His little body was shaking and he kept saying sorry over and over. I told him he had nothing to be sorry for.

I checked his leg and saw red marks that were already turning purple. My hands were shaking as I took pictures with my phone. I needed to document this. Dererick kept asking if Francine was going to hurt him again. I promised him I wouldn’t let that happen.

My girlfriend knocked on the door about 10 minutes later. She asked what was going on and why Francine was so upset. I opened the door and showed her Dererick’s leg. She looked at it for maybe two seconds before saying Francine was just having a hard time with her hormones.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I told her that hormones don’t make you physically attack a 9-year-old. She got defensive and said I was being dramatic. She said Dererick probably did something to provoke her. That made my blood boil, but I kept my cool.

I told her we needed to have a serious conversation about boundaries. She rolled her eyes and walked away. I decided right then that Dererick wasn’t safe in this house anymore. I called my mom and asked if we could stay with her for a few days. She said yes immediately.

I packed bags for both of us while Dererick sat on my bed watching. He asked if we were leaving forever. I told him we just needed some space to figure things out. We left that afternoon while Francine was still in her room. My girlfriend texted me non-stop asking where we were.

I told her we were at my mom’s and needed time to think. She called me overreacting and said I was teaching Derek to run away from problems. I didn’t respond. My mom was amazing with Derek. She made his favorite mac and cheese and let him pick all the movies, but I could tell he was still scared.

He kept asking when we were going home. I didn’t have an answer for him. On the third day, my girlfriend showed up at my mom’s house. She had Francine with her. They both looked like they’d been crying.

My girlfriend apologized and said she’d talked to Francine about her behavior. Francine mumbled, “Sorry without looking at Derek.”. My girlfriend begged us to come home. She promised things would be different.

Against my better judgment, I agreed, but I told her if anything like this happened again, we were done. The car ride home was silent. When we got back, I noticed Francine had painted her room pink herself. It looked terrible with paint drips everywhere, but I didn’t say anything. That night at dinner, everyone was quiet.

Dererick barely touched his food. Francine kept glancing at him with this weird look on her face. After dinner, I pulled my girlfriend aside. I told her I wanted to set up some family counseling. She got upset and said I was making a big deal out of nothing. She said all siblings fight.

I reminded her that Francine wasn’t Dererick’s sibling yet and that what happened wasn’t normal fighting. She stormed off to bed without saying good night. The next few days were tense but calm. Francine mostly stayed in her room.

Dererick stuck close to me whenever we were home. Then Friday came. I got home from work to find Derek locked in the bathroom crying. He said Francine told him she was on her period again and he had to do all her chores. When he said no, she grabbed his favorite toy and threatened to break it.

I found Francine in the living room watching TV like nothing happened. I asked her about it and she immediately started yelling that I was attacking her. My girlfriend came running in and took Francine’s side without even asking what happened.

I was done playing nice. I told them both that this behavior was unacceptable. Francine started fake crying and ran to her room. My girlfriend followed her. I went to check on Derek. He had barricaded himself in the bathroom with towels under the door. It broke my heart. I coaxed him out and we went to get ice cream.

While we were gone, my girlfriend texted that I was being emotionally abusive to Francine. I couldn’t believe she used those words. When we got back, there was a note on the kitchen table.