My best friend said “But we friends though”. Then she kissed me.
Crossing the Line
We got back to her apartment around 10:00. I walked her to the door. We just stood there for a second in that weird space where neither of us knew what to do.
On a normal night, I would have just walked in with her. We’d watch something before I headed home.
But this wasn’t a normal night. I didn’t know if I was supposed to kiss her good night or hug her or just leave.
Ava must have read my mind because she laughed.
“You look terrified right now.”
I told her I wasn’t terrified, and she raised her eyebrows.
“You’re doing that thing where you shift your weight from foot to foot.”
“You only do that when you’re nervous.”
She was right. I was doing that.
She stepped closer and gave me a hug like we’d done a thousand times before. When she pulled back, she had this amused look on her face.
“Thanks for dinner.”
“It was actually really nice.”
She went inside. I stood there for a minute wondering if that counted as progress.
Thursday rolled around and I showed up at her place with pizza like I had every Thursday for the past three years. Ava opened the door already laughing.
“Is this a date or are we back to being normal?”
I told her it was just pizza night and she nodded.
“Good, because I’m not getting dressed up to eat pizza on my couch, and you shouldn’t have to,” I said after noticing she was wearing my shirt.
I could get used to seeing her in my clothes more often. We sat down on the couch while she put on our show.
“Can I put my arm around your shoulder?”
I asked. She looked shocked that I was so bold, but a smirk crawled on her face.
“Oh, Aaron, you’re falling for me harder everyday, aren’t you?”
She took the liberty of putting my arm around her. I smirked.
“That’s my line.”
She burst out laughing harder than I expected and ended up leaning against my chest.
“When did you get so corny?”
“It’s part of my charm when I’m romancing a girl.”
I felt her body go rigid against me. The world nearly collapsed in that moment. Did I mess things up somehow?
She looked up at me and her glare could have killed me. I swallowed nervously.
“You’ve romanced other girls?”
She said sternly like I was being scolded. It was my turn to laugh.
“Oh my gosh, you almost had me.”
Her facade dropped once I said that.
“I almost had you.”
“I know you wanted to jump off a bridge.”
“Not true,” I said trying to hide my smile.
“So, does this mean you’re the jealous type?”
I asked.
“I’m not jealous.”
“I just don’t want my man to look at another girl.”
Her man. I was confident I would be hers.
Monday morning, I texted Eva asking if she was free in the afternoon. She sent back, “Depends on what you’re planning,” and I told her it was a surprise.
“I hate surprises,” she replied immediately.
“Too bad.”
I sent back. I spent two hours that morning setting up a scavenger hunt around campus. Each clue had an inside joke or a memory from the past three years.
I taped the first one to her apartment door with a bag of sour gummy worms attached. She opened the door while I was standing there grinning like an idiot.
“What is this?”
She asked, already suspicious.
“Read it,” I said.
She snatched the note from my hand.
“Where we first met, and you spilled coffee on my favorite shirt.”
“P.S. You still owe me a new one.”
She looked up at me with her eyes narrowed.
“That shirt was ugly anyway.”
“I did you a favor.”
I laughed.
“You literally cried apologizing.”
“I did not cry,” she said, already putting on her shoes.
“I had something in my eye.”
“There’s a difference.”
She cried. We walked to the library. She found the second clue taped under our usual table.
It was a gift card to the campus coffee shop and another note.
“Where you made me watch the autopsy of Jane Doe and I couldn’t sleep for a week.”
She laughed and turned to me.
“It wasn’t that scary.”
“You’re just a baby.”
I looked at her with a face that said, “But I’m scared of bells to this day because of that movie.”
“Sounds like a U problem.”
She scoffed.
Then she started hitting my arm and excitedly saying, “Oh my gosh, I remember you begged me to sleep on my couch cuz you were too scared to go home and sleep by yourself.”
“I got embarrassed in an instant and hope no one heard that.”.
“That’s so not what happened.”
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.
“I still have pictures of you on my couch from that night.”
“I drew a dingling on your face.”
“Yeah, I wish you hadn’t.”
“I was seeing my parents that day.”
“I had to wear a mask to hide it and feign being sick.”
“Well, we all can’t get what we want.”
She stuck out her tongue at me.
“Anyway, moving on to the next clue.”
I rolled my eyes. The next clue led us to the quad. She found it tied to the bench with her favorite candy bar.
“Wait.”
She stopped and looked around.
“This is where you told me that you wanted to switch majors, but were scared to tell your parents.”
“And I said, ‘You should just do it.'”
I had barely spoken to her, didn’t even know her last name. But her affirming how I felt gave me the push to do it. I’m still grateful I listened to her on that day.
“I can’t believe you remembered the exact bench.”
“Obviously,” I said, and she looked at me for a second too long before speaking.
“That’s wild.”
“Is it working though?”
She ripped open the candy bar.
“Maybe.”
“I’m reserving judgment until I see what else you have planned.”
We went through five more stops. Each one had a small gift and led to another memory.
By the time we got to the final location, she was carrying everything in her arms and trying not to smile.
We ended up in our economics class where I left the final clue where she used to sit three years ago. She picked it up and read it out loud.
“3 years ago, you sat next to me and changed everything.”
“Thanks for being my best friend.”
“Now, let me take you to dinner.”
“This is really sweet,” she said quietly.
“Like really, really sweet.”
“Did you have fun?”
She had tears in her eyes.
“Yeah, reminiscing was nice.”
“We’ve come so far.”
She hugged me and told me she didn’t hate my surprises. I almost didn’t want to let go. The moment was too nice for it to end.
Wednesday, I picked her up for another surprise.
“Where are we going?”
She asked immediately.
“You’ll see,” I said.
“All right, I’m trusting you.”
“You better not disappoint.”
“I never do, Eva,” I smirked.
After 20 minutes, she started panicking.
“We’re leaving the city.”
“Aaron, where are you taking me?”
“Oh my gosh, you’re kidnapping me.”
“I didn’t tell anyone where I was going.”
“This is how I die.”
“Do me a favor and at least bury me in my monkey slippers.”
The amount of times she has made me roll my eyes needs to be studied.
“You’re so dramatic.”
“I’m just taking you to a pumpkin patch.”
She immediately relaxed.
“Oh.”
“Oh, I mocked.”
“In my defense, I’m just a girl.”
“You’re not getting buried in your slippers.”
“Then I’m going to ruin this date.”
I whipped my head around so fast I nearly crashed into the car next to us.
“You said date.”
I saw her face when she realized I was right, but tried to play it smooth.
“Well, yeah.”
“You’re romancing me, so this is obviously a date.”
“Oh my god, you’re liking all this attention, aren’t you?”
I accused her and waited for her to put her hands up in defense. She did.
“Well, you like me, so she defended as if that was a good comeback.”
But I saw how pink her cheeks got the second all those words left her mouth.
“That wasn’t a secret,” I chuckled.
She got nervous and cleared her throat like 50 times. She was trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t make it obvious she was being awkward.
“Driving an hour to look at pumpkins is kind of insane, don’t you think?”
“Not at all.”
When we got there, she didn’t think it was so insane.
“Okay, this is actually really cute,” she admitted, looking around at the rows of pumpkins and the corn maze.
“I knew you’d like it,” I said, and she shoved my shoulder.
“Don’t get cocky.”
“Cocky is my middle name,” I smirked and watched her gasp.
“Your middle name has the word in it.”
She was actually pointing and laughing at me, hunched over as she laughed harder and harder. She tried to catch her breath.
I stood there awkwardly, waving at other people passing by. I was telling them to not mind Eva because she was dropped on the head as a baby.
“At least my name doesn’t have the word kik.”
She recovered after I told the fifth person that.
“Eva, shush, there’s kids around.”
I tried to save myself.
Afterwards, we walked through trying to find good pumpkins. She kept stopping at ones that were massive.
“What about this one?”
She asked, pointing at one that had to be 40 lb.
“There’s no way that’s fitting in my car,” I said.
She put her hands on her hips.
“You have no vision, Aaron.”
“No sense of ambition.”
“I have plenty of ambition,” I said.
“I’m just realistic.”
“Boring,” she sang and kept walking.
I watched her sway from side to side as she hummed her little song. She had no idea what she did to me.
I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed the way she moved through the world. Everything was lighter when she was around.
I wanted every day to look like this. I wanted to watch her be ridiculous and making fun of me until we were old and gray.
She looked back at me and the world seemed a little bit brighter.
“Are you coming?”
“Always.”
Anywhere she went.
After we picked out our pumpkin, we wandered through town and saw the Frightfest sign. Ava read it and immediately started walking the other direction. She was pretending like she didn’t see it.
I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
“We’re going in there.”
She shook her head so fast I thought it would unscrew and go flying off.
“Who’s we?”
“Bro speaking French.”
Eva rambled now.
“Who’s the scaredy cat?”
“Still you.”
“I’m not the one scared of bells.”
“Nope.”
“Just scared of signs that say Frightfest.”
She scoffed and muttered.
“Unbelievable.”
“Come on, it’ll be fun.”
She yanked her arm back.
“Fun for you, maybe.”
I told her I’d protect her and she laughed.
“What are you going to protect me from?”
“Scary actors?”
I suggested. She thought about it.
“Fine, but if I punch someone in a costume, it’s your responsibility.”
“Deal,” I said.
The haunted barn was packed. Ava stood close to me the entire time we waited in line. I could tell she was nervous.
When we finally went in, it was pitch black except for strobing lights. Something jumped out immediately, and Ava grabbed my arm hard enough to bruise.
“I hate this,” she said.
“I hate you for making me do this.”
Every time something scary happened, she’d squeeze tighter and hide behind me. At one point, an actor got right in her face, and she screamed and buried her face in my shoulder.
I could feel her shaking.
“You good?”
I asked, and she shook her head against my chest.
“No, I’m dying.”
“This is how I die.”
Another scare happened and she jumped.
“Why are you laughing?”
She accused.
“I’m not laughing,” I lied.
“I can feel you laughing,” she said, still pressed against me.
When we finally got out, she was still holding my arm. She realized, but didn’t drop it.
“That was horrible,” she said.
But she was smiling.
“You didn’t protect me at all.”
“You were using me as a human shield the whole time,” I pointed out.
She shrugged.
“You’re bigger.”
“It was strategic.”
She paused.
“Thanks, though, for letting me hide.”
I told her anytime, and she looked away.
“Shut up.”
Friday night, I texted everyone about game night at my place. I spent the entire afternoon setting up.
Every game I pulled out was one of Eva’s favorites: Code names, Katan, Mario Kart. She was going to know exactly what I was doing, but I didn’t care.
People started showing up around 7:00. Eva arrived carrying a bag of chips and wearing my sweatshirt again. Some habits die hard.
“Nice setup,” she said, dropping the bag on my counter.
Her eyes scanned the coffee table and stopped on the games. She looked at me and I could see her trying not to smile.
“Interesting choices.”
I shrugged like it was nothing.
“Just grabbed what I had.”
She shook her head.
“You’re so obvious.”
We were getting ready to start. I was talking to Harvey about our strategy when Eva walked over and stood next to me.
“Okay, what’s our strategy?”
She asked. Harvey and I looked at her confused.
“Actually, I’m teaming up with Harvey this time.”
Her eyebrows shot up and her mouth fell open a little.
“Wait, what?”
I told her I wanted to try partnering with someone else and she just stood there.
“But we always team up.”
Her voice came out smaller than usual.
“I know,” I said.
“Switching it up will be fun.”
She recovered quickly and crossed her arms.
“You think everything’s fun and that’s why you’re going to lose.”
“You’re going to regret this decision.”
Eva ended up with her roommate, and I’d never seen her so determined.
The game started, and she leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. Every clue she gave was calculated.
When her team guessed right, she’d throw her hands up.
“Yes, that’s what I’m talking about.”
After their third correct guess in a row, she looked directly at me.
“We’re destroying you guys, just so you know.”
I said the game wasn’t over and she grinned.
“It basically is, though.”
I tried to focus on my own team, but I kept watching her instead. She’d scrunch her nose when she was thinking hard about a clue.
When someone on her team guessed wrong, she’d drop her head back and groan.
“No, I said gentle, not rental.”
But then she’d laugh about it. She was completely in her element, and I couldn’t look away.
“Aaron,” Harvey said loudly.
“It’s your turn again.”
I snapped back to the board. Ava was staring at me now with this knowing look.
“Having trouble focusing over there.”
I told her to worry about her own team and she laughed.
“We’re winning.”
“I don’t need to worry about anything.”
Three hours later, Ava’s team had won every single round. She was practically glowing.
“Undefeated champion.”
She announced to the room.
“Anyone want to challenge that title?”
I said she just got lucky. She grabbed a pillow off the couch and threw it at my head.
“Luck?”
“You’re just mad you picked the wrong partner.”
People started leaving around midnight. Eva walked them to the door while I started picking up cups and plates.
When she came back, she found me already cleaning.
“I can help you know,” she said.
I told her she didn’t have to. But she was already grabbing the trash bag from my hands.
“Too late.”
“I’m helping.”
We worked in silence. I was hyper aware of every time we got close to each other.
She’d brush past me to throw something away. Our hands would almost touch, reaching for the same cup. It felt like she was doing it on purpose.
When we finished, she collapsed on my couch and pulled her knees up to her chest.
“Thanks for tonight.”
“I had a lot of fun.”
I sat down next to her.
“Oh, we know,” she grinned.
We started talking about random things. She told me about this girl in her psych class who always asked questions just to hear herself talk.
I told her about my professor who wore the same outfit every single class.
“Like the exact same outfit?”
She asked.
“I swear like even down to the shoes,” Eva.
She laughed and the sound filled my entire apartment.
“You need to check on him.”
“Maybe he has no clothes.”
“That would be really sad.”
“Now I’m tempted to call him.”
“Do it,” she challenged.
I actually reached for my phone and saw it was 2:00 in the morning. I told her and watched her grimace, saying she didn’t realize it was so late.
“Do you want me to drive you home?”
She said, “Yeah,” but didn’t move at all. She just sat there staring at her hands.
I watched her face and something was off.
“What’s wrong?”
She looked up quickly.
“Nothing.”
“I just…”
“It’s late and you’re probably tired.”
“I don’t want to make you drive right now.”
I told her it wasn’t a big deal, but she shook her head.
“Can I just stay?”
“I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“If you’re staying over, you have to take my bed.”
She immediately protested.
“Aaron, it’s your bed.”
“I’m not kicking you out.”
“It’s fine.”
“The couch is comfortable anyway.”
“This isn’t one of your moves, is it?”
She raised an eyebrow.
“It’s basic manners,” I said, hoping she didn’t continue to think I had bad intentions.
Her mouth curved downwards into a frown, but it immediately went away. I honestly thought it was a trick of the light.
“We could maybe share the bed,” she said.
The words hung in the air between us. My eyes went wide.
“Share it.”
My brain caught up to my mouth.
“I just don’t want to kick you out, and you’re not going to let me take the couch.”
“It’s just a compromise.”
She chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of her neck.
“Okay,” I said slowly.
“We can put something between us, like towels down the middle so there’s a barrier,” she said.
We went to my room and I grabbed every towel I could find. We laid them down the middle of the bed carefully.
“This looks like we’re scared of each other.”
I asked if she was scared and she looked at me.
“No.”
“Are you?”
“Not even a little.”
We got on our sides of the bed and I turned off the lamp. The room went dark and I could hear her breathing.
“Good night, Aaron.”
She said softly.
“Good night, Ava.”
I said back.
I laid there staring at the ceiling, wondering how I was supposed to sleep, knowing she was right there.
This didn’t feel like friendship anymore. Friends didn’t share beds and put up barriers like they were afraid of what would happen without them.
My heart wouldn’t stop racing. My hand was right at the edge of the towel barrier.
I wondered what would happen if I reached across. Would she pull away or would she reach back? The not knowing was killing me.
She’d been different lately, quieter sometimes. She was looking at me longer than she used to. Did that mean something?
Or was I just desperate to find meaning in everything she did now?
I wanted to know if she laid awake in her own bed thinking about me the way I thought about her. I wondered if she replayed our conversations, if any of this meant something to her.
My room felt too small suddenly, too quiet, except for her breathing.
I could just ask, roll over and tell her I couldn’t sleep. See what she’d say.
But what if she was already asleep and I was the only one whose heart wouldn’t stop racing? What if I was the only one losing my mind over 12 inches of space and some towels?
This was insane. She was insane for suggesting this. I was insane for agreeing.
