Three investors demanded I fetch coffee for my husband
The Acquisition Attempt and The Reveal
When I founded my company 10 years ago, I made it my mission to go against all the head up your atro stereotypes, meaning I barely told anyone who I was LMAO. My business partners sexually harassed me for 20 minutes before learning I was the CEO they came to meet. I had them removed by security, leaked the story, and watched as their wives filed for divorce while their careers imploded.
So, when a large venture company wanted to acquire us for $50 million, I prepped hard. I wore my usual Zara blazer and slacks, nothing that screamed CEO. Richard Brennan walked into my conference room with two associates and took my chair at the head of the table without asking.
That’s how it started. The way he looked me up and down before dismissing me entirely. Watching them colonize my conference room was a sight to see.
When I tried explaining the numbers I prepared, Brennan held up his hand like he was stopping traffic.
Coffee would be great, sweetheart. I like it sweet, just like you.
That one gesture said everything. I was background static, something to tolerate until the real meeting started. They had this energy like teenage boys who’d found their dad’s Playboy collection.
Tom was already texting someone. David stared at my chest. When I tried to defend my numbers, he laughed.
Just point Mark, my co-founder husband, to the real numbers when he gets here. Sweetheart, what’s your customer acquisition cost?
I started to answer, but he cut me off.
Wrong. Gosh, does Mark have to explain everything twice?
This is why women shouldn’t run companies. David said, “Maybe she’s better with other numbers.” “Like her measurements.” They all laughed.
Tom found my awards on the wall. He actually took it off the wall.
Female entrepreneur of the year. That’s cute. Like a kid’s soccer trophy. Do they give these to every woman who starts an Etsy shop?
David had moved closer while I watched them trash my office. His hand touched my arm.
Your company needs a real CEO. Someone with balls. Mark seems too soft for you in every way.
Speaking of soft, Brennan opened my desk drawer and pulled out my emergency tampons.
This explains the emotional business plan.
They surrounded me then. Brennan behind my chair, Tom to my left, his hand on the table next to mine, David on my right. Too close.
Brennan said, his hand on my shoulder now: “Here’s what’s going to happen.” “Your pretty face won’t last forever, you know.”
“May as well use it now so when we bleed the company dry.” Tom added, his hand dropping to my thigh: “We’ll give you a slice or we walk.”
“And we’ll make sure everyone knows you’re impossible to work with.” Tom chimed in: “We want to see if the back looks as good as the front.”
My assistant knocked on the door. The air changed instantly. Brennan’s frown was almost comical.
Mrs. Lee, your 3:00 is here.
Tom whispered something about Mark’s wife. Then Mark walked in and everything shifted into fastforward. He kissed my cheek and introduced me as his wife.
That’s when it hit them. We were the CEO and founder, the woman who built everything they wanted to buy.
Watching their faces was better than closing any deal. Brennan shot up so fast his chair fell over. Tom hit the wall backing away. David’s phone clattered onto the table.
Within 48 hours, all three were unemployed. The three security guards escorting them out was just the beginning. Because I had one more surprise for them.
I sat in my office reviewing the security footage on my laptop while my lawyer, Wendelyn O’Brien, took notes. The time stamp showed 2:47 p.m. when Brennan’s hand landed on my thigh. Clear as day, undeniable.
My assistant knocked and entered with a phone held out. Harrison Ventur’s damage control team was on the line. They were offering double the acquisition price if I signed a comprehensive NDA.
I put them on speaker while my assistant grabbed her notepad. They were still talking when I hung up. They had no idea I’d been recording that call, too.
The next morning, I posted a LinkedIn article about the importance of due diligence when selecting investors. Nothing specific, nothing actionable, just enough to make three unemployed executives sweat.
My phone buzzed constantly with reactions and shares. The post went viral within hours. Tech blogs picked it up. The comment section exploded with speculation.
Mark found me in the kitchen that evening, his face tight with concern. Tom’s wife had reached out to him on LinkedIn after seeing news of the firings. She wanted to know what really happened.
