What’s the most evil thing anyone has ever done to you?

 Stability and Self-Worth

Update two: I am at the ER getting my medicine. The Domestic Violence Shelter is paying for it. I’m afraid of getting judged because I actually rolled out of bed and look awful, but I had to escape. The shelter itself is pretty nice. It’s so nice not being yelled at or literally fearing for your life when you go to sleep. The only downside of it is that it gives me 30 days before I have to leave it.

Luckily, I have a job interview lined up. I don’t know the best way to go about it, but I think I’ll be honest and tell them I really need the job because I’m in a shelter. It’s at a cinema, so that would be so nice. My friend and her parents changed their mind too and said I could stay there if I don’t have anywhere else to go after the 30 days. I just have to buy my ticket.

Update three: Wow, so it’s been nearly three years since I posted desperate for help. For some reason, these posts just popped into my head after all this time, and rereading them, I just want to hug my former self because I had forgotten how bad things were. I also want to hug all of you for helping me. I wrote down the advice you gave me, and I used it. I really did.

So here goes the last update to this saga, and it’s a happy one. The shelter that I stayed in was very nice and brand new. The staff told me how cramped the other one was, so I’m very lucky that I arrived when I did. After the first day, my nerves relaxed, and I could just breathe.

There were about seven other women there, and we each had our room with a nice bathroom. I was the youngest there, and the other women gave me advice about life. They even did my makeup for interviews. We each took turns cooking per the rules, and we developed a nice rapport. The staff was so amazing, and they also talked to me about life.

I felt so safe at this place because of the security. Oh, I almost forgot: a church group came to give quilts they had made for us, and I still have mine. Sometimes I snuggle with it and think of how far I’ve come. I love that quilt, and I wash it very carefully. We also had group and individual therapy, which really helped.

I know every Domestic Violence Shelter experience isn’t like this, but please don’t be afraid to just leave when things get bad. Family abuse counts as domestic violence.

I was able to find a job that paid more than the movie theater offered. I told them that I didn’t plan on going back to school in the future. Yes, it was a lie, but there was no way I could afford rent by working at a movie theater.

I decided to look for my own place instead of just staying with the friend that offered because I needed stability. If things got bad, I didn’t really have a support net and would have to start over. I had no reason to think things would go bad, but after leaving such a bad situation, I guess nothing felt secure for me.

I rented a room, and my roommate was never home because he was a truck driver. I didn’t feel very comfortable staying with an older man I didn’t know, but I had very few options. He was very nice, and because our schedules never aligned, we left each other goodbye notes since we couldn’t do it in person. I still have his note.

I did go back to school the next semester when my medical leave was over, but not at my original school. I felt like I needed a fresh start, and my family knew about the old school anyway, so I applied to different schools. I got into a great school. I told my story of everything I had survived in the essay.

When my sister told me that I wasn’t going to be anything, she was wrong. I think she knew she was wrong in her assessment of me. I graduated this year, and I have stability that I’ve never known before. Although I’m a few years older than I wanted to be when I graduated, I realized that sort of thing doesn’t even matter, and the medical leave was beneficial.

I just got engaged to a lovely man with a lovely family. They always tell me they’re my family, and I’m so close with my future mother-in-law.

I had food poisoning for the first time a few days ago, and my fiancé left the house at 2:00 a.m. to get Pedialyte just to make sure I was hydrated. When I felt like I was never leaving the bathroom, he told me he was going to make lentil soup for me. I didn’t have to ask or even say anything. When I was a kid and vomiting, my mom told me to go back to sleep. It feels nice to be treated this way.

Sometimes I catch myself saying, “You don’t have to,” when he tries to do something nice to me. Anyway, he has six siblings, and they’re like the siblings I never had.

I learned to value myself and put myself first. I wasn’t loved, and so I do things for myself that I didn’t get. No one made me feel special, so I do it myself. I make it a point to buy flowers for myself weekly. A therapist recommended this to me, and it makes a difference.

No one cared that I was sick, so I make sure that I rest and relax without disruptions when I’m sick. No one valued my personal time or space, so I have days where I don’t even answer my phone and just spend time with myself. Things like that.

When I made that last update, I was crying, and I really didn’t think I was going to be okay. I was at a shelter with a 30-day stay, and I thought there was no way anything beneficial could happen in 30 days. I was very depressed and hopeless, and I had no idea things would have gone in such a positive direction.