My foster family of 11 years is kicking me out. I have nowhere to go and I feel broken.

The Family Group Chat and The Reckoning

Update three: The Peter’s son, Jamie, has found my original Reddit post. I guess I should have been more careful with the details, but my mind was so frantic at the point of writing it; I just couldn’t think straight.

I’m not sure how he found it, but considering it has almost 10K upvotes, and Jamie was the person who introduced me to Reddit, I guess it might have just popped up on his page.

A few hours ago, Jamie came to my room. He showed me the original post and asked if I had written it.

At first, I tried to deny it, but I’m an awful liar, so he just knew. He asked why I didn’t tell him about this, and I said I thought he knew.

He told me he had no idea and would not have supported his parents throwing me out if he did. He was told I requested to move out.

He genuinely seemed shocked and appalled at the details in the post. Against my wishes, he shared the posts in the family group chat.

He did this out of a place of wanting to defend me: “Mom, Dad, I really think you should read this and see the impact this is having on”.

But I really wish he didn’t do it. They’ve both read the message, but neither have responded.

I have not left my room since. I’m really anxious right now, like I’m at the level before a panic attack; I can feel one coming on.

Update four: This is what I think I’m going to send in the family group chat to Matt and Cla.

“I came to you as a seven-year-old. A 7-year-old who had never felt love or affection or anything remotely nice”.

“I was taught at a young age to fear those in authority, to fear the sudden changes in the moods of my birth parents. I was taught to bottle up my emotions and my pain and never show it”.

“When I first came to you, my life was ruled by fear and anxiety. I know my behaviors back then were awful, were a struggle to manage”.

“I had been taught there were no consequences for some actions, and firm, scary, and hard consequences for others. The worst part was that those actions never seemed to be consistent”.

“I could do something one day and be praised by my birth family, and another day I would be shown the complete opposite. Love was not something given; it was something earned. It was conditional and shallow”.

“You both showed me another way. You showed me love and affection, and at first it felt confusing and hard to comprehend”.

“I couldn’t see myself as anything more than a nuisance. I couldn’t see why someone would love me. I couldn’t understand why you weren’t hurting me”.

“Do you remember me telling you, ‘You can hurt me if I be naughty, I won’t mind’? Slowly, you taught me to trust and love myself and those around me”.

“You showed me that no matter what I did, you wouldn’t give up on me. You wouldn’t send me away or hate me, and I really tried to make you. I know that I was scared”.

“You made me realize that it wasn’t my own fault I was in care, and that I wasn’t to blame for the things that happened to my birth family”.

“You showed me appropriate outlets to my fears. You showed me love, compassion, and kindness. The first day I remember feeling truly safe was when I was sitting in your arms at 8 years old, watching Shrek”.

“I still think back to that moment. It probably just felt like another day to you, but to me it is a core memory in my life”.

“It’s a moment that shapes the way I see myself. You sat up with me when I was worried about moving up to Secondary School”.

“You comforted me when my birth mom told me she no longer wanted to be part of my life. You were there when my first girlfriend broke up with me when I was 15 years old and I felt like my whole world was ending again”.

“You encouraged me to go beyond with my studies and apply to university. The most important thing you showed me was that I was worthy of being loved and respected”.

“You never gave up on me. I am who I am today because of what you did. I look at myself, and I see compassion and care and kindness, and in those traits I see you”.

“You weren’t my birth family, but you were my family, my only family. I just… I don’t know what changed. Why has there been a switch?”.

“Why have you gone from the loving and caring parents you were? When I leave my room now, I no longer feel that love and kindness that brought me out of the pits of despair as a child”.

“It’s almost as if you have completely altered the way you see me, and I just can’t understand why. A few days ago, you told me I had to move out”.

“You gave me four days’ notice to leave my family. You sent me back into feeling like that child at 7 years old”.

“I’m not saying this to guilt you or to ask you to let me stay; that has passed now, and unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see you the same way again”.

“I understand if you were hard on money or if you wanted to help another child like me, but why not talk to me? Why spring it on me and then act like I don’t matter?”.

“Why tell me it’s ‘just business’? Did you think that would make it hurt less? Since you told me, my whole life has been turned upside down, and I don’t know how I will make it to the other side”.

“If I had felt like this a few weeks ago, do you know who I would have gone to? I would have gone to you. I would have told you my worries and my fears”.

“You would have said the exact right thing, and then we’d sit together and watch some awful TV show. And now I have no one again”.

“I feel like I’m being told for the second time in my life that I don’t deserve a family. And this time I have no one to pick me up off the edge”.

“That was always you, Mom and Dad. It was always you I could rely on. Why are you giving up on me now? Now”.