My foster family of 11 years is kicking me out. I have nowhere to go and I feel broken.

Moving to the Hostel

Update 5: My PA is allowing me to store my things I can’t take with me in his garage. It’s kind of him.

He’s found me a place at a local hostel. I’ll get my own room, apparently, which was a big deciding factor on if I wanted to move in or not.

The hostel works with the LA and houses a lot of foster care leavers while they wait for their own houses. I haven’t sent the message yet, but I know my foster brother Jamie has seen it.

Yesterday I felt overwhelming emotions; today I feel none. I don’t know which is better.

I’ll send it once I moved out. I have a room, so I’ll be gone in a few hours.

I still haven’t spoken to them, but I just can’t face it anymore. I am sick of being anxious and stressed about this.

Update 6: I have just left the Peter house for the last time. The room is ready for me at the hostel.

I feel so weird and sad and lonely right now. I’ve ordered myself a pizza to have for dinner today, and my PA even paid for it.

I just want to get in bed and cry. My head is spinning, thinking about everything I need to do.

I also found out the exact amount the Peters were paid fortnightly for caring for me, and they would get $2,000. That’s $52,000 per year they got just to raise me.

I keep thinking about that number: Was that all I was?

Update 7: I am settled in the hostel now. It’s not exactly luxury, to say the least, but at least I’m here now.

I sent the text message and then I left the group chat. I also posted it on Facebook.

Final update: This is going to be my final update on all of this. Claire rang me crying, saying she had no idea I felt like this.

How, how could she not know? She said she was sorry and begged me to come back. God, how do I ruin everything?

She was telling me all these things about how she regrets the past few days so much and wishes she could take it all back.

I said, “This is not fair. She cannot throw me out and then call me crying.” I said it’s manipulative.

She just kept saying sorry. She said she loves me and wants me to come home.

Jesus, this is just a lie, right? She must have known. Am I the bad person here? I feel so confused.

I don’t know what to do. I just hung up, and then she started texting me, and I blocked her.

But now I feel like I’m the bad person here. I’m so tired of this, of all of this.