My wife demanded we open our marriage, but is now demanding we close it.

Counseling, Confessions, and Betrayal

My wife and I went to marriage counseling to deal with potentially closing the relationship back up. Even though it was our very first session, my wife took it as an opportunity to lay it all out.

It seems she confessed that this group of friends made her wonder if she had missed her chance because she was committed to her first boyfriend and had no other experiences. She felt she never had the same adventures some of these supposedly amazing women had.

The therapist pointed out that this can be and often is detrimental to a marriage due to the difference in mindset. My wife seemed to agree.

Then she added that after the new manager started approaching her, some of these friends encouraged her to see where it goes. They said this was a chance for her to explore or discover herself.

She states she felt guilty, so she never did anything physical until one of the divorced, Beluga-sized friends in the group suggested an open marriage as a loophole. She told her that some couples come out stronger because of it.

So after regrettably convincing me to open up the marriage, her so-called adventure began. It was intoxicating and blinding but lacked real substance, not like the kind we built over the years.

She started to question her reasons for doing this. She said she could see the hurt in my eyes but told herself this was an adventure she had a chance to have an amazing experience.

The gravity of it all never happened until she noticed a change in me. At first, she assumed that because I went on dates, I would gradually accept her situation and be okay with it.

But that all changed when my lover became a constant appearance in my adventure. Apparently, I started to smile again for no reason.

My eyes would light up when I would get a text message or when I cheerfully left the room to answer a call. She said she suddenly felt a pit in her stomach and started to get many panic attacks for no reason.

She went to her friends for advice again. They just said it was a normal reaction for me to have during the adventure.

When the same divorced Beluga who suggested this in the first place said it looks like his lover makes him happy, the reality of it all finally dawned on her. The very real possibility that another woman and not his wife gave him joy almost made her pass out.

She realized how ridiculous this all was and begged them to help her win me back. But they just told her if she couldn’t deal with it, why did she open her marriage in the first place.

She knew then and there that these people were toxic, a threat to our marriage and the life we built. Hence, she has been on a mission to win me back by any means necessary.

I, on the other hand, didn’t share much, but I did let the counselor know about the situation on my side with my lover still being in the picture. To this, my counselor said no resolution could ever be reached with my lover still in the picture.

The counselor suggested we book another appointment after tomorrow. The counselor did say it was unusual for someone to stay with their first this long and gave the impression that any storm can be weathered.

Our next session is tomorrow. Update two: I have since moved into my brother’s apartment.

During our second session of counseling, I asked my wife some hard questions. One: if she was sure nothing physical happened before the opening of the marriage.

She looked towards the ground and begged me not to make her say it. She said if she said it, then it would destroy us.

But after some pushing, she shared it. She had got on her knees in his office and gave him neck.

I was absolutely floored by this. She started shaking and hyperventilating; snot even began flowing from her nostrils as she cried and apologized to me.

At this point, even the counselor was taken aback and had a look of disbelief. My wife got on her knees and hugged my legs, saying how sorry she was.

I then asked her what really changed her view of him. She said after she started pulling back from the group as a whole, his behavior towards her changed.

Then one evening as she was leaving a meeting, she passed his office and heard him speaking about her to another male colleague. He said he was surprised at how easy it was to get her and how she is living proof that you can’t trust the quiet ones.

When the colleague asked if he actually fancied her, his response was that she was a pleasant distraction and that he had absolutely no intention of breaking up with his fiance. He even added that this was simply to get it out of his system because the only woman who has ever understood him was his fiance, and he didn’t want to break up with her.

He also mentioned how he felt bad for me, but you snooze, you lose. My wife, realizing that she was nothing more than a piece of meat to this man, added by the fact that she betrayed me for a cheap thrill, actually started contemplating taking her own life.

She said she left her workplace and vomited in the parking lot. I then asked her if she loved him and if she stopped loving me.

She looked me dead in the eye through tears and said she never stopped loving me. She said that he was just something different.

She thought it was love but now realizes how foolish that was. She squeezed my arm with surprising strength and said she knows she messed up but she misses us.

She says she misses the connection we had before all this. She even suggested we move away and start fresh, just the two of us, just as it was meant to be.

I then told her it wouldn’t be fair to my lover and that I need time away from her to process all of this. It was like she had a meltdown at those words.

She started sobbing harder and saying incoherent things. She held on to me as if I was going to disappear.

It took some time for both me and the counselor to calm her down. The counselor managed to convince her that maybe time apart could help us heal.

When we got home, I began to pack. My wife got a video call from her laptop. It was one of her former friends in tears.