What incident made you lose feelings for the person you thought you would marry?

The Ultimatum and the One-Month Deadline

My girlfriend refuses to do anything with her life and lives by leeching off me. She wouldn’t let me break up with her, so I had to resort to extreme measures to get my way, plus five updates.

About two years ago, my girlfriend dropped out of college. Since then, she’s become a pathetic and disgusting human being.

I know that sounds bad, but I literally work 50 to 60 hour weeks to sustain us. I do this because she’s too pretty to work.

Just today I came home at 6:00 p.m. to find her in bed surrounded with half-eaten takeout boxes. She had not showered or brushed her teeth. The only time she’d gotten out of bed was to go to the door and collect her takeout.

I had a rough day at work, and seeing this tipped me over. I raised my voice, saying she can’t live like this, and in response, she became physically violent.

I wanted to break up with her there and then, but she guilt-tripped me, saying she has no one to turn to. She stayed in bed for the rest of the day.

A few hours later, I came into her room telling her I can’t do this. I don’t care who she turns to, but I cannot for my own mental health be with her.

She tried guilt-tripping me again, but when that didn’t work, she got out of bed. She ran to the kitchen, grabbed a pair of scissors, and threatened to unalive herself.

I didn’t risk calling her bluff and agreed to stay with her. She’s currently sleeping, and I’ve decided I’m going to break up with her tomorrow. If she does that again and goes through with it, it is not my fault. I don’t care.

Update One

Last night, when we were both getting ready for bed, I didn’t take my clothes off and instead just stood there telling her we needed to talk. At first, she was just smiling and jumping up and down on the bed with her knees. She thought I wasn’t as serious as I was, but eventually she was able to read the mood.

I told her something wasn’t feeling right anymore. I’ve tried to make this work and be patient with her for the past few years. I didn’t know how much more time I was willing to spend waiting for her to get a job, go back to school, or just get a hobby.

I told her that it annoyed and grated me that she just didn’t seem to care about herself. I hated she had no goals or aspirations.

This was probably the first time in a long time she was as attentive as she’s ever been during this conversation. I was incredibly taken aback.

She agreed to whatever I was saying, even also giving suggestions on where she can apply. She listed what courses were starting to interest her. She even said I could look over her as she submitted applications online to make sure she wasn’t lying.

I was in disbelief. In her head, it seemed like I was still willing to make this work. A part of me believed this would finally be the moment that she would change, so it made the next part even harder for me and for her.

At first, I told her I didn’t love her the same way. This slowly but eventually led to me saying I didn’t feel anything at all about this relationship and was jaded.

I was tired and wanted a fresh start with someone who was more goal-oriented and wanted something more out of life. When she realized what I was getting at, she started to cry and asked why I didn’t mention this sooner.

I said I’ve always asked her to cook, to go out with me, to try something out or to just go back to school. I offered to pay for her classes, anything.

She said she understands that part but was upset why I didn’t say it was leading to me losing interest in her. From her perspective, it seemed as if I still loved her all the same.

She started apologizing, saying she wasn’t in the right mental state. She claimed nothing was motivating her and she genuinely had no interest in any hobbies.

The only thing she liked was spending time with me, which is all she looked forward to in the day when I came home. None of this was really affecting my emotions besides making me feel uncomfortable.

So I tried to continue by saying I think her lifestyle would be better with another person. But she immediately cut me off and became more panicked.

She started to apologize again for what she had done. She said she would be a better girlfriend. She promised that she would go with me tomorrow to wherever I wanted to go and would look for courses in August that she could start doing.

But she did not want to lose me since she had nothing else in life. She absolutely hated that I stopped loving her. There were so much tears and snot that I said we would have this conversation again when she calmed down.

We eventually did in an hour or so. She pleaded to give her two months to make a change and give her another chance. She promised and promised that she would change again.

She listed off all the places she would apply to and said she would be a better partner. I never wanted to make her homeless so this seemed like a good settlement even though I still had my doubts.

I then reaffirmed that I wanted to see other people. She seemed much more adamant on this issue than the aspirations issue that she would be able to fix this.

She said just give her a month to try and make the relationship work. She asked me again and again on what she could do to make me love her again and that she didn’t want me to hate her.

She said that this was the worst part of it all, in the only person that she had just being done. It seemed as if she was about to break down again. I said okay, we’ll see how this relationship is in a month.

In my mind, if I’m allowing her two months to get back on her feet, then by a month she would already be ready to move on. I also didn’t want her to suffer a complete mental breakdown while I was still living here.

Giving her a month to let her fix the relationship would give her enough time to accept things. I slept on the couch last night and will probably continue doing so for a while.

She came out at about 3:00 a.m. wanting to talk some more. But I said I was exhausted and we would do it tomorrow. She then slept on the floor beside me for the rest of the night.

She apologized again, and when I told her to stop, she silently said okay and sobbed for a bit under her blanket. That’s everything that’s happened so far.

This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I regret nothing and feel much better letting everything out. I don’t know how this situation will be in two months, but I was firm that it was the deadline.