What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say ‘no’ to?

The Fallout and Freedom

He was in total shock. First he tried to know more.

Maybe he misheard me. Then he started to deny it, then made excuses, then started apologizing, then asked for details and what my plans were.

When I told him about getting a job and an apartment, he pleaded and tried to hold me. This past week, he’s tried to talk to me every day, and I have been calm with him.

He had so many questions. Why didn’t I tell him before?

At least he could have explained. She meant nothing to him.

The relationship ended. He had no feelings for her.

It was just physical. He loved me and nobody else.

Think about our daughter. He regretted what he did and that’s why he ended it.

Why was I not more upset? I told him that I had mourned us for a year and that I was over it now.

He still thought this was unfair because this is all new to him. I told him about my job and my new place and asked him to be patient with me, think about our daughter and put her first in whatever is coming.

He was so angry by that and told me that if I had thought about our daughter for a second, I would have confronted him there. Be honest.

We could have tried to fix it with therapy and some effort because he never loved anyone like he does me and he would drop everything else to try and make it right with me. But I chose secrecy, plotting and planning my life without him while pretending everything was fine.

I started crying and begged him that however angry he was with me, not to take it out in a way that affected our daughter. I told him that I did all of this for her.

I didn’t want her to see us fight. I didn’t want to leave without having the means to offer her a good life.

Now he is so angry with me all the time. He barely looks my way.

He is still sweet with our daughter, though, and that is comforting. I sleep in my daughter’s room most nights.

I never meant for it to blow up this soon, but you can spend your whole time planning and preparing the perfect exit. But life has never been predictable.

I don’t regret my outburst. Maybe it was time anyway.

I will continue communicating with him about the importance of staying civil to each other. He is angry now, and he feels cheated and deceived, and I get all that, but I need him to put aside the hurt and think of our daughter just like I did.

And just like I did, he will get over the pain in time. Edit: John is in the process of divorce, too.

He has moved back to his hometown because his mother is very ill. I’m afraid his sisters live in Australia, but they have both come home, so it feels good that he and his mother are not alone.

I have visited them three times since I heard the sad news, but he lives far away, so I haven’t been able to stay for long periods to support them. We talk over the phone every morning, though.

He is devastated. We don’t know what the future holds.

John lives in another town, 8 hours drive away. We haven’t talked about us in ages.

We have a lot going on in our lives separately. All I care about now is his mom doing better or at least not suffering.

Update four. I have a great job now with a great company and great and supportive co-workers.

I’m so thankful for that. I live now in my own apartment.

That’s where the greatness ends because it doesn’t matter how long you have known a person. How much you have trusted and loved them or how much you thought they loved and valued you.

You don’t know them before you hit rock bottom with them. My ex-husband has shown nothing but cruelty and vindictiveness towards me.

And at times our daughter, making me question why I have chosen to rock the boat. I thought I was doing all of this for my baby.

I wanted to give her a dignified life and a strong role model for me. A happy and content mother to be her hero.

And yet, she’s the one who suffered the most during this time. When I told my husband about my plans to leave him, he was in denial at first, which was bad, but it was nothing compared to when he realized I was telling the truth.

He used every means possible to break me and dissuade me from leaving. He started with threats about taking full custody.

Then he took all my assets from me. He got primary custody of our daughter and refused me to see her while the court made the assessment that I was fit to have shared custody because he filed a motion that I was broke and suffered from mental illnesses.

I’m being treated for depression and PTSD. I couldn’t see my daughter for eight weeks because of bureaucracy and I thought I was going mad because of that, even contemplating just getting back together with him to get my daughter back.

When I finally saw her, I was awarded shared custody. She was so angry and broken.

She told me how much she hated me and wanted to be with daddy. He told me that my daughter hated me because I was a bad mother, and I knew he was poisoning her mind.

Even when we had shared custody, and she started to warm up to me again, she still had a hard time loving me the first day after she’d been with her father until I want her back. She is almost her normal happy self at the end of the week before she is going back to his place and the vicious cycle begins.

He tried everything not to divide our assets according to the prenup. But that wasn’t a priority of mine, even if I had to start from scratch.

I was willing to give him anything not to make him angrier with me that he takes it out on our baby. Once he came with a suggestion that I left him everything and gave away all my rights, and he gave me full custody.

I thought something finally heard my prayers before he changed his mind and filed a new motion suing for full custody. He was playing with me.

During this whole ordeal, I was feeling doubts and resentment towards myself for not just complying and obeying him and staying with him until our daughter was older. The self-doubt and fear were almost paralyzing.

And one day at the beginning of summer, I wrote a very long letter to him, reminding him of his love for his daughter and the promise he made to her when she was born to do anything to protect her. I reminded him that I was just a woman and he could replace me any time, but that his daughter is his daughter.

I begged him not to use her to hurt someone who is replaceable. Don’t use a valuable treasure as a weapon to destroy a cheap target.

A target you easily replaced once before. He didn’t answer me, but he stopped texting and calling me for purposes other than our daughter.

She has been happier, too, and says she loves me and daddy. I don’t know if it was my letter, but he just stopped trying to hurt me.

Once when he dropped her off, he apologized for everything he did back to cheating on me in the first place and said that he loved us and promised not to hurt us anymore. He has since kept this promise.

He has during all this time since January been having an on-again off-again girlfriend who went on I get to see my daughter more because I get her even on his weeks. I find myself hoping for them to get back together so I can have my daughter in a stable home.

As for John, he still lives in his hometown near his mother. She is very sick and no chemo or procedure works now.

I have visited them as much as I have been able to. He has been a great support throughout this ordeal, which always made me feel guilty given what he is going through.

But he always said he is happy to listen and wants to no. We call and text each other every day.

Last month when my husband had my daughter on a trip with his family, John showed up at my door. He said he just wanted to see me and he had booked a hotel room that he ended up not using.

He spent the weekend with me in my apartment and it was the first time I’ve allowed myself to be with him. He was everything I imagined and more.

He said he loved me and it was all I could do not to start balling pathetically. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much.

John’s divorce is finalized, but we have decided not to make our relationship public until my life is in order. We have waited for two years.

What are a few more months?