Should I divorce my wife for what she said about me?

Implementing the 180 Method

The saddest part is realizing this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.

Here is where it gets very interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day.

I mentioned to my wife that, “Hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward.” “I’m going to honor her roommate co-parent dynamic without reproach.”

“It should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be okay with it.” “But I am done working on it if she wasn’t going to work on it.”

She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself, very short and transactional.

She asked for help on some of her personal things, to which I declined. It really shocked her.

She was upset, saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.

We didn’t talk all day, and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going, and she’s very visibly upset and stressed.

I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing, but I didn’t this time. That night she was crying, telling me she’s stressed.

She thinks something is wrong with me because I’m indifferent. I simply listened.

Then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed. I explained that I’m simply much like her, taking care of myself and focusing on myself.

I’m not going to lie, it has been very hard to be cold and distant. As I mentioned before, I love her, and I wish I could hold her and love on her.

However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way, just to get her way and still keep me in the friend zone. So, I’ve been staying the course.

We’re now going on a week of this 180, and let’s just say there has been many changes on her side.

I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just friends and co-parenting.

I sent her a text a few days ago, essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50. She lost it.

She basically told me it was out of left field, to which I responded, “Hey, friends go in 50/50, and as your friend, I expect nothing less.”

This was very eye-opening because it gave me a glimpse of I’m really taken for granted. Her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked.

I pushed through anyway and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for. I added that it’s still a bargain because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.

I’ll wrap up with this: while the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation.

There have been many eye-opening statements being said and realizations that have not been pleasant to encounter.

It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She’s definitely seeking to talk to me more often.

While it’s hard to turn down, I hope if things improve this continues to happen. I’ve also noticed that she’s making more time for herself aside from being a mom, which is huge.

She pretty much neglected herself for years. I’m very pleased seeing her be more herself.

My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go.

We are very much cordial and amicable, even to this day, and that’s a very good sign.

Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear. I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done.

We’re still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce.

I feel like having this unbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this.

No matter what, I will always love my wife. However, I will not participate in an intimacy-less marriage because we both deserve better.

Update two: We’re now almost nine weeks in on the 180 method I mentioned I was starting. It started to render some positive reactions from my wife.

So much has changed, and it has changed for what seems to be for the better.